My cubiclemate moved this past weekend and one of the mover guys rode in her car (emphasis mine) for the three-hour trip and evidently hit on her the whole time but the kicker is that he actually said the words: “Hey, are you into Krokus?”

I had to buy this apricot-flavored toothpaste. Had to. When has there ever been fruit-flavored toothpaste, ever? And why not? Companies are forced to constantly “innovate” in order to stay relevant and exciting to consumers, so we get Giger-designed toothbrushes and glitter embedded in the toothpaste and tubes that stand on end — but where’s the flavor innovation?

I’m thinking the problem is that apricot doesn’t make your mouth minty fresh, and in today’s fast-paced modern hectic cutthroat world, Burning Mintiness = Violently Annihilated Halitosis. Apricot can’t deal with today’s fast-paced modern bacteria, no way. I mean, is an apricot even a full-fledged fruit? Is it even American?

I just bored myself with that paragraph. I’ve been doing that a lot in conversation, too, just slowing down mid-sentence and finally giving up, losing all interest in what I was saying and kind of drifting off. It’s like

I went to Wal-Mart last night and bought an air conditioner and a jug of apple juice. The subliminal messages in the PA system made me also pick up some elastic-band pocketless jeans and Legally Blonde on DVD and a racquetball racquet to beat my kids with.