The big move is this weekend. I’ve moved every 1-2 years since I left home for college. The concept of staying at the same home or neighborhood or job for longer than two years is almost unfathomable at this point, although I’d totally be up for it. I’m not a ramblin man by nature. I really wouldn’t mind finding someplace where I could settle in for the long haul, or at least a long haul. At least long enough for me to be able to give people a reasonably knowledgable tour when they come to visit. I’ve never been able to do that. I’m all: “On your left is the … what. City hall? Can you make out what that sign says? Oh fuck you, we’re going to Blockbuster.”

What’s really weird is to think of friends I’ve had who are still living in an apartment I lived in eight years ago, or working somewhere I worked six years ago. I don’t mean that like: Oh dear god they’re still there? But like: So wait, places I’ve lived keep functioning even after I’ve left them? That’s sort of rude.

I think the real foundation of my desire to lay down roots is the fact that I have to sit down and gasp for breath after climbing a flight of stairs, so moving furniture around is a serious health risk at this point.

Due to the circumstances of the move, and not due to negligence on my part, A is in charge of the packing. And she’s caught purge fever, which I always get before a move. Anything I haven’t used in the past two weeks gets thrown away! You heard me, chattel! You mean nothing to me! These items usually get tossed into the neighbor’s yard five minutes before I peel out in the U-haul.

She just took a bunch of my books to Goodwill and evidently the woman there was impressed with the selection. Do I suffer from purger’s remorse? No sir I do not. Books are for ugly nerds! And also: super heavy. And if I had more faith in the MP3 format I’d totally toss the giant bookcase of CDs, too.

I remember during one move I was dragging this cheap crappy desk down the stairs — single-handedly! — and it started to rain on me — because it rains every single time I move, unless it’s snowing! —; and the desk began to buckle and I said something like “aw, screw this desk forever” and kicked it apart and left it sort of near the garbage cans and just bought a new cheap crappy desk after I moved.