I went with the Orangeade today. I’m all: [ … ] Really at least one foot into Kool-Aid territory, I’m thinking. KF is plotting a beverage-related site and I’m all: [rubbing hands together in wicked glee]

I’m reminded of when my friend told me he hoped that I wrote “Nervous about seeing J tonight” in my diary. a) His name began with J, and b) I was, indeed, going to be seeing him that night, and c) I later learned that this line appeared in Laura Palmer’s diary and he was merely flinging a missed reference at me.

I was just asked to write a little bio for myself since my boss has to introduce me to the company at tomorrow’s all-hands meeting. I don’t think they call them “all-hands” meetings here, but they have at other places I’ve worked and it always rubbed me the wrong way. When your real dream is to work on a pirate ship, don’t mock that dream by using nautical terminology. I will stick my wooden leg so far up your ass that you’ll be picking splinters out from between your teeth for weeks. Zing!

The point being this bio required some careful wording. Do I go with: “He’s really excited to be bringing his seed to a whole new gene pool” or “He’s totally excited to be banging some new broads behind that fucking gigantic laser printer between 2 and 3:30PM”? I don’t want to come across as uptight, but I also don’t want to seem like I don’t care about the work. I was hired to write copy, and I want to demonstrate that each word is precious to me.