This is my third week on the job and I still have nothing to do. I mean, obviously. This morning I wrote an article about living in a motel for a month. KF told me about this stealth browser that lets you read websites but it sort of looks like you’re in Word or Excel or something maybe? And maybe the text kind of blurs and fades into the background when you hit a panic button? Maybe I imagined that last part. I’m typing this in the middle of a Word file, surrounded by business writing, so a quick scroll is all I need. Actually I’m not, but I’m thinking about it.

I’m wondering what William H. Macy was doing narrating the unauthorized Anna Nicole Smith expose. JESUS H. MACY!!

The men’s room smells exactly like two or three other office men’s rooms I’ve been privy to. Holy shit did you catch that “privy” joke there or what. I think they’ve all had that little box that periodically spritzes some kind of fruity scent into the air. So it’s like shit-strawberry, like another Snapple flavor. Which reminds me, I’m really down on myself for not trying new Snapple flavors. I went for old Lemon Iced Tea today, like some scared old lady. But that orangeade or mango-whatever looked too bright and KF tells me that Lime Green Tea is disappointing, so I just went with the tried and true. I do not seek out new things. For instance, I’m nervous about going into NYC this weekend; I’m not even comfortable living this close to it. Holy shit did you see that semi-colon I just used.

P.S. I was just checking out the bathroom spritzer and noticed it has a URL. I’m trying to figure out which scent it is. Maybe Orchard Valley or With-A-Twist.